"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13
God has been speaking to me a lot about contentment lately, and I didn't even realize it until today. Last week, one of my best friends came over and as we were talking, she said she's trying to learn to be content with what God has for her. It really struck me, particularly because of who this gal is. So, as I was reading my book on raising children this past weekend, the above verse on contentment jumped out at me. I even made note of it as I set my book down so I could send it to her in a letter of encouragement.
Then yesterday was a particularly rough day at our house. I had a migraine and my kids were also having rough days and wanted to SCREAM. I was angry and frustrated and by the end of the night, I felt extremely guilty for my behavior that resulted from my anger. I am not two, and yet I found myself wanting to scream and yell as well. Last night, I saw a friend on facebook posting about a verse from Jonah about how being angry does us no good, and I knew that God was gently talking to me.
So, this morning wanting life to go a little better, I picked back up my book and read some more. I'm currently reading "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration For Character...In You and Your Kids!" by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. It has been an extremely good book so far and I would highly recommend it. I was still on the chapter of contentment, and as I was reading the pages, I realized that this was an area of struggle for me more than for my kids. I have been the child that hasn't dealt with disappointment well and learned to be content. Here is a passage from the book that stuck out to me; Turansky &Miller (2002) write:
"Children who are demanding and grow up with unchecked selfishness will have a harder time as they grow older. They won't have the character necessary to understand and accept the limits that God may place on them. As you help your children address their arguing, badgering and whining, you will begin to prepare them for a life of contentment. We all need to learn to live within boundaries, whether they are financial limits or health restrictions. Limits are part of life. Contentment means that we say no to things we can't afford or shouldn't eat. If children can't accept no from their parents, how will they ever learn to say no to themselves or accept limits from God? In the school of life, the 'Developing Contentment Curriculum' is not an elective; it's a required course." p. 101-102 [emphasis mine].
As I read this, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my father a couple weeks ago. He said that he can't stand to say no to himself. He's also extremely overweight, but he was talking about living on a tighter budget now that he's retired. He hates limits and doesn't think he should have to follow them. I truly fear for his future, both financially and health-wise. Sometimes these conversations make me panic, and I pray for him and then have to let go and trust God to take care of him. That said, I relate to him, both in the natural sense that he's my Dad and with what he was saying. I, too, hate to be told no. All too often, I buy what I shouldn't or eat whatever I crave. I'm an adult now, so I shouldn't be told no anymore, I reason. But how wrong I've been!
As I was reading this chapter on contentment, I recognized the symptoms of a selfish heart in me. Arguing, whining, badgering... all things done in the name of 'persistence' when in all reality it is pure selfishness. If something doesn't go my way, I have a tendency to try and outwit my opposition rather than recognizing the hurt that it will do to the relationships I have. This started as a child, I realize, but growing up while my parents were in the middle of a divorce, I can say that I typically got my way. Now I've turned into a childish adult. A childish adult with an addiction to food that is really stemming from an inability to tell myself no and accept limits from God.
Our bodies weren't made to handle an indulgence to all our cravings. When I see someone limit themselves on something they really want, it is truly impressive to me. And I realized today that this is where the battle needs to start again for me. I need to learn to be content with whatever circumstances I'm in. As Paul articulates so well in the above verses, I need to learn to be content whether I'm well fed or hungry, in plenty or in want. And what's his answer to contentment? He believes in God - that he can do all things through Him who gives strength.
I wonder how I can teach my children to be content and not demanding if I have yet to master the skill myself. This morning, I bowed face first on the ground to beg God for His mercy and fill me and my children with contentment. That means being content when He says 'yes' and 'no' ... that means trusting God and believing He has our best in mind. That means ridding ourselves of childish behavior and demanding that we get anything we want and living a life of grace for others and for limits in our lives. I think this will be a tough journey but it's a lesson I wish I had learned a long time ago. Let's pray!
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