"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
I remember my husband telling me once "you can't out-exercise a bad diet." I really thought about that for a long time. Knowing that most of weight loss comes from simply eating less calories than you need to burn, why can't I make myself eat less? I'm not going to starve to death. There's no real tangible reason that I need to eat as much as I do. So, with that knowledge in my head, why can't I seem to change my physical actions? Why can't I do better? How can I know something and do the complete opposite?
As I was showering today, I asked myself the question "what triggers my eating?" My first answer in this last rebound into sin was "I deserve it." That sounds crazy, but when I'm sick (like the beginning of my pregnancy), when I'm in pain (like after surgery or a recent fall where I broke my toe), when I'm tired (since I'm up feeding my baby all night long), I feel like I DESERVE to feel good. It's my right to enjoy life, and I enjoy food. It's my pleasure or addiction - why not give into cravings when I've had a rough day? If it makes me feel better, why not? After all, I've worked hard at being a mom, wife, cleaning the house, whatever the excuse is... I deserve it! I think this is where the above verse comes into play. We are to walk humbly with our God.
We don't deserve anything. Well, what we deserve is death and hell from the sin we've committed. Where do we get off feeling like we deserve more than we've been given? After all, looking at my own life, I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a nice enough house, plenty to eat, clothes to wear, etc. Even if I've had a rough day, how do I think that I deserve even more than the grace I've been given? It's crazy to even think. And yet, this psychological trait is what gets me into trouble 9 out of 10 times. It's something I simply must give to God. The Lord detests pride (I deserve it!) and idol worship (addiction to food!). I'm praying to be in right relationship with him, so I need to get rid of this mentality that life is about me and not about Him.
The other times where it's not deserving, I think it's hopelessness. How can I ever expect to do better? I've willingly gained a ton of weight, eaten whatever I've wanted, and now I even have a broken toe to boot! How can I exercise? How can I eat less calories when my body has become accustomed to the intake I've had? I've been heavy all my life, is there anything but despair for my future? Will my husband ever look at me and say "wow, she's smokin!" And this is where I think that we need to love mercy. God desires to give us mercy if we'll turn to him. Do we deserve His grace? By no means! Does He give it freely if we repent? Absolutely! I can't do this walk on my own. Instead, I need to rely on God for every step of the way. I must love His mercy, act justly (do what is right) and walk ever-so-humbly with Him if I am going to have any hope for the future.
Dear God, thank You that You are a just and loving God. Thank You that You desire mercy, not sacrifice. Thank You for showing us the path to life! Please make us healthy and thin for Your glory. Break the chains of addiction, free us from anything we've done that isn't of You, help us to walk humbly with You on this journey toward a healthy temple that Your Spirit dwells in. Please forgive us and help us start fresh today, even this very minute. In Jesus' Name, AMEN!
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