Knitting Needles

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18

I heard a sermon months ago using the above verses. The speaker, one of my favorites (Jason Mitchell), talked about how we were made by God, who knew and created each detail about us. We can't be frustrated with who we are if we are going to become who God created us to be. Think about that last sentence for a moment - we can't be frustrated with who we are if we are going to become who God created us to be. As I thought about it, I thought about how annoyed I am that I struggle with weight. My husband doesn't care what he eats, for the most part. Why do I struggle with cravings? Why can't I seem to say no? Why do I have a slower metabolism than some folks? Why does this have to be my issue? After all, as I look back at my family, we're all obese. My grandfather was so extremely obese that he choked to death on a hot dog (sad, but true).

But, the above verses remind me that God doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't use poor choices in thread and knitting needles when he's creating us. He knew the things we would struggle with... but what an awesome thought that these very things can be what will bring Him the most glory. If we were born to glorify Him, then I believe that sometimes our struggles on this earth are brought about to give Him glory. If life were easy, would we have a testimony to share? If we can overcome the enemy and our past mistakes and behaviors, then we have so much more to praise God for!

God loves us. He made us. His works are wonderful. He knew what He was doing and saw our unformed body before one of our days came to be. I believe that He knew what we would struggle with, and I believe that these very issues can be turned around for His glory.


Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word. You are an amazing God! I am so blessed to know You and serve You. We love You, Lord Jesus. Thank You that Your works are wonderful. You don't make mistakes. We are not a mistake. Our struggles are not a mistake. Please help us overcome them so that we can bring You the glory in the midst of this journey. Help us not dwell on our downfalls but look to You to continue perfecting what You started within us. We will not become who we are meant to be DESPITE how we were created but because of how You made us. I am thrilled to be Your creation. I confess I have not always loved how I've looked - please help me overcome the vain selfish desires in my heart and create a pure heart where I can glorify You and how You knit me to be uniquely me. Thank You, God. In Jesus' Name, AMEN!

Being Refined, Purified & Made Spotless

"Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time." Daniel 11:35

My third son was born seven weeks ago to the day. And stepping on the scale this evening, I still weigh almost 50 pounds more than I did when I conceived him. YIKES! I was feeling hopeless again today, I'll admit. I fear that I'll never be able to change. I keep giving into cravings rather than obeying what I know to be truth. I hang my head at the fact that I lost over 80 pounds and then gained most of them back in nine short months. And I certainly can't blame my amazing little guy - for even pregnancy has no bearing on behavior or habit. For if my weight was based on circumstances and not sin, I would have been able to lose more this past seven weeks since he's been born.

I finally made the time to read God's Word again today. And the above verse jumped out at me. Some of the "wise" will stumble. I don't necessarily consider myself wise. I am learning more and more as I read and study God's Word, though, and in this context I felt that it was saying "people who know their God" (Daniel 11:32). Oh, how I hope that can be said of me! Reading on, the wise will stumble SO THAT THEY MAY BE REFINED, PURIFIED AND MADE SPOTLESS...

I have definitely stumbled in this journey of losing weight. It has been a long hiatus. But, I need to hold tight to the idea that it's never too late to try again. If there can be a purpose to this stumbling, though, then God has given me hope once again that He can pick me up, dust me off, and strengthen me to try some more. I need refining. I obviously haven't mastered being healthy. I need purifying... looking back, I can see where I was taking some of the glory for my weight loss. After all, I had worked hard, right? WRONG! Only through God's grace was I able to eat better, exercise and lose weight. Honestly, without Him I have no chance. Even though my head knows what's necessary, I can't seem to act on the knowledge. I'm stuck like an addict in sinking sand. But, I know a God who doesn't play by this world's rules. I know that He and only He can help me (and you!). I can't look down on others who need to lose weight. I can't stick my nose up at what they have on their plate while I'm in line at a buffet. For truly, I've been that person... even recently. I can only be humble about what God is doing in my life and hopefully encourage others. May this stumbling come to an end. I'm pleading today for God's mercy... may He refine me, purify me and make me spotless until the time of the end.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am ashamed to even come before You. But, You are worthy of praise. You are worthy of glory. YOU alone are worthy of trying again. May I glorify You with my body, my speech and my actions. May they all come in line with Your plan for my life. Help me to encourage others who are also on this journey. May we all lead healthier lives so we can be used by You for Your holy Name's sake. Lord, if at the end of days, Your appointed time, You say "well done" then all of this, even my horrendous stumbling, will be worth it. Please forgive me. Please pick me up, dust me off and help me do better. Please don't forsake me or turn away because of my sin. I beg for the blood of Jesus to cover me once again. Please teach me how to treat my body like Your holy temple. In Jesus' powerful and precious name I pray, AMEN!

The Old Has Gone, the New Has Come!

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I heard a fantastic sermon yesterday, which reminded me of how we can continue on this struggle of becoming a "new creation." We looked at Genesis 2:25 that says "Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame." The very next chapter (really, the very next verse) conveys how they ate of the forbidden fruit and ran in shame to cover themselves with fig leaves (Genesis 3:7). Jason Mitchell spoke about how guilt and shame are very different. Guilt comes from actions that we've done and can bring about godly repentance; shame, on the other hand, is about who we ARE (rather than what we've done). Shame makes us feel like we'll never amount to anything more and keeps us away from others and God.

The sermon was on how to live the abundant life, and the message was centered on living in community how we are to be open with one another and not hide behind fig leaves or isolate ourselves. How can we do that? By remembering that in Christ we are a new creation. Like a song playing on the radio these days (almost too often even though it's a great song), "we are more than the choices that we make, we are more than the sum of our past mistakes, we are more than the problems we create, we've been remade!" Our behavior doesn't make us who we are - CHRIST makes us who we are. We can be honest in saying "I've screwed up" but that's not where the story ends. Instead, we can say "but glory to God, I am a new person in Christ!"

And while this information should not be a revelation to me, once again it hit home. I'm currently in my third trimester of pregnancy. I've gained far more weight than I should have already, even though the OBGYN hasn't said anything negative about it. I know. I know that I've parted from the path of eating healthy and exercising daily in the mornings. I've allowed myself to take naps in the afternoon rather than being diligent with my time in trying to be a healthier person. And while one day wouldn't kill me, I've adopted a new lifestyle in the last six months that is not what God has for me. 

And as I gain weight, I also want to hide behind those fig leaves. I am ashamed, honestly, and the only way to hide is to truly 'hide.' But, I realized that I've been listening to the lie that my behavior is who I am and who I'll always be...I'll never get out of this cycle of disobedience, I will always struggle with these same problems, I will never break free. This verse reminds me that if I'm in Christ, I am a new creation. He has paid the price for my past and made me new. I can feel guilt over things that need to change, but I can't hide away in shame for isolation just brings further pain and problems.  I need to hold onto this promise that God has made me a new person. I AM a new creation in Him. One step, one day at a time, I need to live that new creation out. 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word that tells us that even though we've screwed up, we are a new creation in You. The old is gone, the new has come! Father, I have felt so ashamed at how I look even though I am thrilled to be carrying another son of yours. Forgive me for the sins I've committed and help me to start walking as the new creation You've made me to be. Help me burn the fig leaves and be open about my struggles so that others can hear Your Word and turn to You if they're facing the same issues. Father God, we're lost without You. We can't break free without the blood of Jesus covering us and helping us. Thank You for not leaving us. Please forgive us and help us start fresh once again. We love You and long to honor You with everything we say and do. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

The Oldest Sin in the Book

"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." Genesis 3:6

Once again, I'm reading the Bible cover to cover, starting back in Genesis. I noticed that the first ever sin committed dealt with eating. Did you ever think about that? From the time man was created, God put limits on what he could and could not eat. The Lord told Adam in Genesis 2:16-17 that he was free to eat from any tree in the garden EXCEPT the tree of knowledge of good and evil. It struck me upon reading this passage this time how much God had given to Adam. He was allowed to eat almost anything, but there were still limits.

Ironically, it was woman who first committed the sin of eating what she wasn't supposed to. She knew word-for-word what God had told her husband (Genesis 3:2-3) and yet, we see in verse 6 that she ate the fruit anyway and even shared it with her husband. She willingly disobeyed God and had to suffer the consequences. More than that, it grieved me to see that she drug her husband down in the process. How many times do I do the same thing? My overeating and unhealthy lifestyle affects both my husband and children as I cook for them or encourage our family to go out to eat, etc. When pregnant with my first son, both my husband and I gained a tremendous amount of weight as he was gracious to me and my desires during those months.

There are times that I growl in my heart at Eve's sin. Why would she listen to that serpent? Why must I endure pain in childbirth because she was so stupid? Why are there weeds in my flower beds every spring that we spend countless hours trying to keep under control? How could they have been so foolish? All mankind pays consequences because of their actions. They knew better! And then it hits me all over again. I do the same thing. I know in my heart and in my head what is safe to eat. I know when I'm overeating and indulging. I know when I'm committing a sin against God and my family. And yet, I often run back to food for comfort. Just as Eve was deceived, I've let the same sin rule my life over and over again, knowing better, doing wrong.

If I have knowingly sinned, I can't hold any grudges against anyone else who has, too. I can't judge anyone who is overweight, for I've struggled my entire life with this sin of eating what I'm not supposed to. And, it looks to me as if it's been the longest sin known to mankind. We must defeat the enemy in this area! We must say no to the cunning of the serpent when he tempts us with food that is not in God's plan for our lives. It's not like God is trying to deny us good things - for we see how He allowed Adam to eat from every tree but one. He is the giver of all perfect gifts (James 1:17) and I must remind myself that a healthy body is a much better long-term gift than an immediate satisfaction of a craving, which brings momentary pleasure and future remorse. Let's pray!

Father God, we thank You once again for Your Word. I realize that Satan has been tempting mankind with eating something we shouldn't for a long time. But, it's no excuse. In fact, on the contrary, we should know better! I'm sorry for the sin I've committed in this area. And I'm sorry for dragging my husband and children down with me on this path. Please keep them healthy and thin, as well as me. Please forgive my sin and heal my body as only You can. Keep me from temptation and deliver me from evil, I humbly ask. In Jesus' powerful and precious name I pray, AMEN!

Create in Me a Pure Heart

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:10-12

Today my prayer is for God to change my heart - I truly need a pure and clean heart to continue walking with Him. I have more than fallen off the wagon; I jumped off gleefully right back into a life I know to be sinful. Why? I guess I was tired. Worn out. Or probably more likely, unwilling to change or allow God to take me to the next step. So, I quit. I quit exercising. I quit eating right. I quit reading the Bible, praying, fasting and seeking God on this matter in my life. Oh, I had lots of excuses. But, that's what they are, just excuses. We found out in the beginning of October that we were expecting our third child. We were thrilled as we had been trying all summer to conceive. But, with the pregnancy came SEVERE morning sickness that lasted throughout the day. I didn't feel like exercising. I felt like sleeping. A lot! And I ate whatever sounded good - after all, I was told that simple carbs may stay down the best. But, really, it's all excuses. Now as I step on the scale, I see that I've gained back a third of the weight I'd lost over the last couple years. And I'm devastated.

I was ready to throw in the towel. Why try if I can't stick to it? But, as I was proofreading a newsletter for the local Mission in town, I read a fascinating article on addiction and relapse. The article noted that often relapse is part of recovery. It's those folks who don't quit when they do relapse back into old habits but try again that eventually successfully kick their habit for good. The article was challenging believers, helpers, family, friends and church members not to give up on addicts who mess up and go back to their addictions. While we don't condone the sin, we still need to love and encourage the sinner to get right back on the wagon and try again. It's only through the love of Jesus and support of others that addicts eventually are able to break the cycle of addiction. But, it doesn't typically happen overnight but is rather a process. As I read it, I thought YES! YES! Of course people need to try again and not quit.

Then, it hit me. Why was I quitting? Because I've failed? Yes, I had given up hope. But, who has the power to change me from the inside out? God! Can He do it? Yes! Will He do it? Yes, if I'm willing to follow and obey Him. I do believe it. And I once again had to repent for allowing myself to become so easily ensnared by the lies of Satan that food is what will comfort me, that it's fine to overeat at the holidays when we're going to parties and purchasing gifts, that it doesn't matter what I eat now because I can work it off later. Lies that shouldn't fool me did once again. But, I'm not giving up.

Another thing I read recently was that Satan loves to make God look like a fool. I would NEVER want to be part of that. For I've given God glory for the weight I lost - was I now making Him look foolish for saving me when I was screwing up again? I felt Godly conviction that I needed to change. The only problem is that once again I feel hopeless. But, I'm not without hope. I need to go back to the Word where God can teach me how to live. James 4:8 tells us to "Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." Oh, I've been double-minded as I've asked for one thing and acted another way. I need my heart purified and my hands clean. The thought of God still being willing to come near me, though, thrills me.

I read another passage that spoke to me regarding God purifying our hearts. See 1 Kings 8:46-50: “When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you become angry with them and give them over to their enemies, who take them captive to their own lands, far away or near; and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captors and say, ‘We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly’; and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their enemies who took them captive, and pray to you toward the land you gave their ancestors, toward the city you have chosen and the temple I have built for your Name; then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy..."

Now I realize that you shouldn't take the Bible out of context. This was Solomon's Prayer of Dedication of the Temple, and he was praying for God's chosen people, Israel. Yet, there are some things I think we can take from this text. For one, all people sin. We all screw up. We just struggle with different things. And that doesn't mean my sin is any less of a sin, it just means that I need to see what to do once I've been taken back into captivity where I'm once again a slave to food. I think this passage shows us. If we have a change of heart and turn back to God with all our heart and soul, and if we pray... then God says He will forgive His people and free them with His great mercy.

I'm not sure that I can have a complete change of heart without God's help. So, I'm starting with prayer and Bible reading. I enjoy food. I like going out to eat. I like making it. I like eating it. I like trying new things and eating whatever I want. But, I don't like outgrowing my clothes and feeling awful. I don't want sin in my life. So, I'm willing to give my desires to God and trust Him to change me from the inside out. Will you do the same?

Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You, ashamed of our sin and the chains that weigh us down. Once again I've walked away from the good path You chose for me and went my own way, seeking my own pleasure and the satisfaction of my cravings. I'll admit that I've been lazy and gluttonous. I am so sorry, God. Please change my heart and purify it. Make my hands, heart, and head pure and refined before You. I can't change on my own. Instead, I repent and give You my life. And may You alone receive the glory for any outward changes. May I not be proud but instead humble before You as we walk together in this journey. I love You, God. Please make me healthy and thin, and keep this baby inside of me healthy as well. In Jesus' Name, AMEN!

Driving Out Demons

"But if I drive out demons by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come to you." Luke 11:20

How many of you have struggled with yo-yo dieting? I can name several times in life that I've lost significant amounts of weight, only to gain it all back again and then some. After doing the South Beach Diet and stopping when I got pregnant with my first son, I gained back more weight than I had lost, leaving me heavier than ever. UGH!And I can't blame the pregnancy - for after gaining over 60 pounds, I gave birth to a little guy who weighed just slightly more than 3 pounds. 

Why can't I stay on task and keep with what I know is right? As I've been studying God's Word and pondering this thought, I read the following verses that Jesus spoke in Luke 11:24-26: "When an evil (or unclean) spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first." When I read these verses, I'll admit that I was horrified. It dawned on me that this may be happening to me.

I think in the present age, we don't think so much about 'spirits' that enter us. Maybe our culture doesn't make it 'fashionable' or 'hip' to think that demons could be possessing us - that's for horror movies and non-fiction, right? But as I've been reading the New Testament, driving out demons is often how Jesus' healing was described. I have a great friend who struggles with seizures, and I just read in Luke how God rebuked the demon who had been possessing a boy who had various seizures (Luke 9:37-43). When God healed a man who had been mute in Luke 11:14, He did so through driving out the demon. Jesus drove out an evil spirit on the Sabbath in a synagogue in Luke 4:31-37. He would also say things like "your sins have been forgiven" when he healed folks. For me, I know that overeating has been a sin in my life. But, have I left the door open in committing these sins for actual evil spirits to enter? I shudder at the thought.

Then I read the story of "the Healing of the Demon-possessed Man." I remember this story well, for I did Bible quizzing when I was in high school and we were to memorize the first half of the book of Luke and be quizzed on it. I wasn't completely committed to the quizzing as some of my friends were, but I did enjoy learning this way and remember much of what I read from those days. In any case, I remember Jesus meeting a man who called himself "Legion" because many demons had gone into him (this story is found in Luke 8:26-38). "A large herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside. The demons begged Jesus to let them go into them, and He gave them permission. When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned." I almost giggled at the irony. What do pigs represent in society? Typically, if we call a person a piggy, it means that they eat too much. Could my demons be sent into a herd of pigs that they would die rather than me? That is my prayer! I would rather the demons not wander around aimlessly and come back into my cleaned-up life and settle in with seven of their friends. Rather, I'd rather be done with this sin once and for all!

After this man was healed, he begged Jesus to go with Him. But Jesus sent him away saying "Return home and tell how much God has done for you. (Luke 8:39)" I think this is a crucial step to our healing, too. I boast not at the fact that I've lost weight. For honestly, this has been a struggle for me almost my entire life. If I had discipline to begin with, I wouldn't even be writing this for you (and the public at large) to read. Rather, it's humiliating to talk about something that society looks down on and is truly sin in my life. But, in saying that, I've lost over 60 pounds and it's only been through God's amazing grace. For, I don't have willpower or discipline on my own, but God has been showing me His extravagant love for me and His desire for my well-being. Please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you. It's only through prayer and God's work on the cross that we'll ever be set free from sin!

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You that You are holy. We can praise You and magnify You even on days that we don't feel worthy for You are ALWAYS worth of honor. Father, we thank You for Your Word today. God, we pray and ask right now that You would drive out the demons in our lives by Your very finger so that the kingdom of God would come to us. Lord, I'll be honest and admit that I don't understand a lot about demons. I don't fear them, for You alone are to be feared. Instead, I ask You to drive out any evil spirits that we've allowed to enter our lives. And, please don't let them wander, but we ask that you instead send them into the pigs that they may die and we might have life more abundant. God, we don't want to leave room for even more evil spirits to come into our lives. God, guard our hearts, our minds, our bodies, our souls and our actions. Lord, we ask for the Holy Spirit to protect us as only You can. Please mold our bodies and hearts as You intended when You created them. Don't allow sin to enter our lives and destroy Your creation. May our bodies glorify You, as we long to display Your splendor for Your honor. God, help us admit where we've been wrong and tell others what You alone have done for us. It's not by our work, Lord, but by Your very finger that we are healed. We thank You and praise You, Lord Jesus. Have Your way in our lives! In Your Name we pray, AMEN!

Depending on God's Mercy

^"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." Romans 9:16

I read this verse as I was studying the Bible, and I realized how true it is. We can desire to be thin, we can struggle and make lots of effort to overcome our sin, but in all reality, our entire success depends on God's mercy. You see, He's the only one that can forgive us of our sin and set us free from the bondage we've allowed ourselves to get into. And, we can't do anything to earn His favor. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). But, the good news is that God is merciful! The work has already been completed on the cross. We don't have to earn it. We just need to receive it and believe that God has forgiven us so we can begin again. It doesn't depend on human effort but on God's mercy. If you're struggling today, fall back on God's mercy. He desires to set you free as His beloved child.

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You in awe and worship. You are a holy God. Lord, no amount of effort or works gets us to your throne of grace. Instead, the blood of Your Son Jesus has already paved the way for our forgiveness. Thank You for reconciling us to You even while we were still sinning. God, we don't deserve Your goodness, but we thank You for Your mercy and love. Thank You that You have called us children. We long to honor You in what we say, do and even eat. Please forgive our sin and help us start fresh today. We humbly ask to be healthy and thin for Your glory. In Jesus' name, AMEN!