Create in Me a Pure Heart

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:10-12

Today my prayer is for God to change my heart - I truly need a pure and clean heart to continue walking with Him. I have more than fallen off the wagon; I jumped off gleefully right back into a life I know to be sinful. Why? I guess I was tired. Worn out. Or probably more likely, unwilling to change or allow God to take me to the next step. So, I quit. I quit exercising. I quit eating right. I quit reading the Bible, praying, fasting and seeking God on this matter in my life. Oh, I had lots of excuses. But, that's what they are, just excuses. We found out in the beginning of October that we were expecting our third child. We were thrilled as we had been trying all summer to conceive. But, with the pregnancy came SEVERE morning sickness that lasted throughout the day. I didn't feel like exercising. I felt like sleeping. A lot! And I ate whatever sounded good - after all, I was told that simple carbs may stay down the best. But, really, it's all excuses. Now as I step on the scale, I see that I've gained back a third of the weight I'd lost over the last couple years. And I'm devastated.

I was ready to throw in the towel. Why try if I can't stick to it? But, as I was proofreading a newsletter for the local Mission in town, I read a fascinating article on addiction and relapse. The article noted that often relapse is part of recovery. It's those folks who don't quit when they do relapse back into old habits but try again that eventually successfully kick their habit for good. The article was challenging believers, helpers, family, friends and church members not to give up on addicts who mess up and go back to their addictions. While we don't condone the sin, we still need to love and encourage the sinner to get right back on the wagon and try again. It's only through the love of Jesus and support of others that addicts eventually are able to break the cycle of addiction. But, it doesn't typically happen overnight but is rather a process. As I read it, I thought YES! YES! Of course people need to try again and not quit.

Then, it hit me. Why was I quitting? Because I've failed? Yes, I had given up hope. But, who has the power to change me from the inside out? God! Can He do it? Yes! Will He do it? Yes, if I'm willing to follow and obey Him. I do believe it. And I once again had to repent for allowing myself to become so easily ensnared by the lies of Satan that food is what will comfort me, that it's fine to overeat at the holidays when we're going to parties and purchasing gifts, that it doesn't matter what I eat now because I can work it off later. Lies that shouldn't fool me did once again. But, I'm not giving up.

Another thing I read recently was that Satan loves to make God look like a fool. I would NEVER want to be part of that. For I've given God glory for the weight I lost - was I now making Him look foolish for saving me when I was screwing up again? I felt Godly conviction that I needed to change. The only problem is that once again I feel hopeless. But, I'm not without hope. I need to go back to the Word where God can teach me how to live. James 4:8 tells us to "Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." Oh, I've been double-minded as I've asked for one thing and acted another way. I need my heart purified and my hands clean. The thought of God still being willing to come near me, though, thrills me.

I read another passage that spoke to me regarding God purifying our hearts. See 1 Kings 8:46-50: “When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you become angry with them and give them over to their enemies, who take them captive to their own lands, far away or near; and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captors and say, ‘We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly’; and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their enemies who took them captive, and pray to you toward the land you gave their ancestors, toward the city you have chosen and the temple I have built for your Name; then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy..."

Now I realize that you shouldn't take the Bible out of context. This was Solomon's Prayer of Dedication of the Temple, and he was praying for God's chosen people, Israel. Yet, there are some things I think we can take from this text. For one, all people sin. We all screw up. We just struggle with different things. And that doesn't mean my sin is any less of a sin, it just means that I need to see what to do once I've been taken back into captivity where I'm once again a slave to food. I think this passage shows us. If we have a change of heart and turn back to God with all our heart and soul, and if we pray... then God says He will forgive His people and free them with His great mercy.

I'm not sure that I can have a complete change of heart without God's help. So, I'm starting with prayer and Bible reading. I enjoy food. I like going out to eat. I like making it. I like eating it. I like trying new things and eating whatever I want. But, I don't like outgrowing my clothes and feeling awful. I don't want sin in my life. So, I'm willing to give my desires to God and trust Him to change me from the inside out. Will you do the same?

Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You, ashamed of our sin and the chains that weigh us down. Once again I've walked away from the good path You chose for me and went my own way, seeking my own pleasure and the satisfaction of my cravings. I'll admit that I've been lazy and gluttonous. I am so sorry, God. Please change my heart and purify it. Make my hands, heart, and head pure and refined before You. I can't change on my own. Instead, I repent and give You my life. And may You alone receive the glory for any outward changes. May I not be proud but instead humble before You as we walk together in this journey. I love You, God. Please make me healthy and thin, and keep this baby inside of me healthy as well. In Jesus' Name, AMEN!

Driving Out Demons

"But if I drive out demons by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come to you." Luke 11:20

How many of you have struggled with yo-yo dieting? I can name several times in life that I've lost significant amounts of weight, only to gain it all back again and then some. After doing the South Beach Diet and stopping when I got pregnant with my first son, I gained back more weight than I had lost, leaving me heavier than ever. UGH!And I can't blame the pregnancy - for after gaining over 60 pounds, I gave birth to a little guy who weighed just slightly more than 3 pounds. 

Why can't I stay on task and keep with what I know is right? As I've been studying God's Word and pondering this thought, I read the following verses that Jesus spoke in Luke 11:24-26: "When an evil (or unclean) spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first." When I read these verses, I'll admit that I was horrified. It dawned on me that this may be happening to me.

I think in the present age, we don't think so much about 'spirits' that enter us. Maybe our culture doesn't make it 'fashionable' or 'hip' to think that demons could be possessing us - that's for horror movies and non-fiction, right? But as I've been reading the New Testament, driving out demons is often how Jesus' healing was described. I have a great friend who struggles with seizures, and I just read in Luke how God rebuked the demon who had been possessing a boy who had various seizures (Luke 9:37-43). When God healed a man who had been mute in Luke 11:14, He did so through driving out the demon. Jesus drove out an evil spirit on the Sabbath in a synagogue in Luke 4:31-37. He would also say things like "your sins have been forgiven" when he healed folks. For me, I know that overeating has been a sin in my life. But, have I left the door open in committing these sins for actual evil spirits to enter? I shudder at the thought.

Then I read the story of "the Healing of the Demon-possessed Man." I remember this story well, for I did Bible quizzing when I was in high school and we were to memorize the first half of the book of Luke and be quizzed on it. I wasn't completely committed to the quizzing as some of my friends were, but I did enjoy learning this way and remember much of what I read from those days. In any case, I remember Jesus meeting a man who called himself "Legion" because many demons had gone into him (this story is found in Luke 8:26-38). "A large herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside. The demons begged Jesus to let them go into them, and He gave them permission. When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned." I almost giggled at the irony. What do pigs represent in society? Typically, if we call a person a piggy, it means that they eat too much. Could my demons be sent into a herd of pigs that they would die rather than me? That is my prayer! I would rather the demons not wander around aimlessly and come back into my cleaned-up life and settle in with seven of their friends. Rather, I'd rather be done with this sin once and for all!

After this man was healed, he begged Jesus to go with Him. But Jesus sent him away saying "Return home and tell how much God has done for you. (Luke 8:39)" I think this is a crucial step to our healing, too. I boast not at the fact that I've lost weight. For honestly, this has been a struggle for me almost my entire life. If I had discipline to begin with, I wouldn't even be writing this for you (and the public at large) to read. Rather, it's humiliating to talk about something that society looks down on and is truly sin in my life. But, in saying that, I've lost over 60 pounds and it's only been through God's amazing grace. For, I don't have willpower or discipline on my own, but God has been showing me His extravagant love for me and His desire for my well-being. Please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you. It's only through prayer and God's work on the cross that we'll ever be set free from sin!

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You that You are holy. We can praise You and magnify You even on days that we don't feel worthy for You are ALWAYS worth of honor. Father, we thank You for Your Word today. God, we pray and ask right now that You would drive out the demons in our lives by Your very finger so that the kingdom of God would come to us. Lord, I'll be honest and admit that I don't understand a lot about demons. I don't fear them, for You alone are to be feared. Instead, I ask You to drive out any evil spirits that we've allowed to enter our lives. And, please don't let them wander, but we ask that you instead send them into the pigs that they may die and we might have life more abundant. God, we don't want to leave room for even more evil spirits to come into our lives. God, guard our hearts, our minds, our bodies, our souls and our actions. Lord, we ask for the Holy Spirit to protect us as only You can. Please mold our bodies and hearts as You intended when You created them. Don't allow sin to enter our lives and destroy Your creation. May our bodies glorify You, as we long to display Your splendor for Your honor. God, help us admit where we've been wrong and tell others what You alone have done for us. It's not by our work, Lord, but by Your very finger that we are healed. We thank You and praise You, Lord Jesus. Have Your way in our lives! In Your Name we pray, AMEN!

Depending on God's Mercy

^"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." Romans 9:16

I read this verse as I was studying the Bible, and I realized how true it is. We can desire to be thin, we can struggle and make lots of effort to overcome our sin, but in all reality, our entire success depends on God's mercy. You see, He's the only one that can forgive us of our sin and set us free from the bondage we've allowed ourselves to get into. And, we can't do anything to earn His favor. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). But, the good news is that God is merciful! The work has already been completed on the cross. We don't have to earn it. We just need to receive it and believe that God has forgiven us so we can begin again. It doesn't depend on human effort but on God's mercy. If you're struggling today, fall back on God's mercy. He desires to set you free as His beloved child.

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You in awe and worship. You are a holy God. Lord, no amount of effort or works gets us to your throne of grace. Instead, the blood of Your Son Jesus has already paved the way for our forgiveness. Thank You for reconciling us to You even while we were still sinning. God, we don't deserve Your goodness, but we thank You for Your mercy and love. Thank You that You have called us children. We long to honor You in what we say, do and even eat. Please forgive our sin and help us start fresh today. We humbly ask to be healthy and thin for Your glory. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Watch & Pray

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matthew 26:41

This verse spoke to me as I read it. Jesus was telling His disciples to keep watch and to pray that they wouldn't fall into temptation. Do you struggle with tempting foods? I know I do. One thing I fell in love with this summer was the caramel frappe from McDonald's. In just one drink, there's over 600 calories! Yikes! Yet, I couldn't seem to resist when the opportunity arose for one. Then I noticed their advertising called these drinks 'temptations.' Was that a sign or what?!?!

According to Jesus in the gospel, we need to watch and pray so that we won't fall into temptation. I run most mornings and I start the day thinking that I'm going to eat healthy and light and workout a ton. In my spirit, I'm willing. But as the day wears on, I notice the weakness of my body as I get hungry or tired. What's the answer? Prayer. Being watchful. Realizing that our body is weak. Going back to a loving God and asking for help so we don't fall into temptation. Let's pray now!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for being a holy and loving God. Thank You for Your Word. God, we want to be watchful and we're coming to You in prayer. Please keep us from temptation. You know our spirit is willing, but you also know our body is weak. Please protect us, oh Lord, and strengthen us. Please make us healthy and thin for Your glory. Develop character and discipline in our lives. In Jesus' name we pray, AMEN!

Believe

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22

As I've been reading the Bible lately, I've noticed an emphasis on having faith. For example, I read recently in Matthew 13:58 that Jesus "did not do many miracles there [His hometown] because of their lack of faith." He was healing all kinds of diseases and freeing people from demons (Matthew 8:16-17), but when people didn't believe, He didn't perform miracles. On the other hand, I again read 'the Faith of the Canaanite Woman' in Matthew 15:21-28. Jesus was not planning on healing her daughter, for He said "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel" (verse 24), but when she pressed on, He said "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." (verse 28).

Since I was a small kid, I remember hearing that the faith of a mustard seed could move mountains (Matthew 17:20). Why is it then, though, that I doubt sometimes that God would make me thin? I realized that I still have the mindset that I will always be heavy and struggle with weight. Why is that? Do I believe that God can do heal me if He wanted to? YES! Do I believe that being healthy and thin lines up with God's Word? YES! So, if I ask for something from God, the giver of all good gifts, why do I sometimes feel like I could walk on water to Jesus and then other times I sink all too quickly like Peter did (Matthew 14:27-33)?

James 1:6-7 tells us "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." Yikes! I don't want to be double-minded or not receive what the Lord has for me. For , I believe that He wants my best. I believe that God is compassionate and gracious. I believe that He is the Creator and Redeemer of my body. I believe that if He promises in His Word to give us whatever we ask for in prayer - and if we're praying for something in line with His Word and His will - He will indeed keep that promise.

After studying the Israelites for some time, I've seen where God kept up His end of the bargain even though His people sinned. If He says He will do something, He does it. He doesn't lie, and He even goes above and beyond what we would expect from such an amazing and just God. 

So, I'm asking Him to be healthy and  thin. And I'm believing that He will answer my request. But, make no mistake about it - I don't think that this answer to prayer is because of my faith. For, I deserve nothing from a holy God and am unworthy even to serve Him on my own accord. But, through the blood of Jesus, I believe He will save me. The perfect gift, given by grace and mercy to a hopeless world.

So, today, if you're going to be like me and ask God to make you thin, then friend, BELIEVE! Have FAITH! And glorify God when you see the results of His hand in your life!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Word. Thank You that even though Jesus came to heal the lost sheep of Israel, He also healed all kinds of people from their various diseases and demons when they had faith in Him. We believe that You sent Your Son Jesus into the world to die for our sins. And, we confess that we have sinned! God, the amount that I weigh reveals sin in my life. I am ashamed of my past behavior, but I ask humbly at your feet to be healed. Please take my body and make me healthy and thin for Your glory. Help me make wise choices, motivate me where I need it, but most of all, God, I beg of You to reveal Your glory through my life. God, part of me thinks that I shouldn't write this for all to read. But, instead, I give up my pride for the sake of Your ultimate glory. As people see a difference in my life, may they bow and honor You alone. I confess that I've tried on my own to do the right things and earn Your favor. But, I'm far too imperfect to even begin... that's when I stand in awe at Your mercy and grace since You paid my debt in advance. I can't earn it. I just have to believe to receive it. I believe that You can and will heal me of this burden and make me a display of Your splendor. I thank You and praise You for the work You're completing. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Foolish?

"Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" (Galatians 3:3, NIV).

I read this verse on a friend's facebook post, and I smiled at God speaking directly to me. As I looked at older posts on this blog, I realized it sounds like I only learn during sermons. On the contrary, I read my Bible everyday and often see verses related to my journey of losing weight, as well as other things I'm studying in God's Word. But, lately I've been too ashamed to write them down. It's easy to read about something, almost as easy to know about it then, but extremely difficult to put it into practice. Earlier this summer, I severely sprained my ankle. And without exercise in my life, it became all the more difficult to want to eat healthy. So, I quit for awhile. And I'm paying the price as I look at the scale in utter horror.

I realized this week, though, that God is again working in my life as He's weaning out the ugly sin of pride. When I am able to work out and I somehow gain back a little motivation, I tend to think that I am in control or doing the right things. How foolish I can become in so little time! I throw everything I've read out the window as I take on the world's view of weight loss. I started thinking of different diets I could try and different workouts, and pretty soon the scale is rising again and I'm floundering. And I feel all the more ashamed because I know that I know the right things to do but I can't stop screwing up and I wallow in self-pity at my choice to sin again and again.

I have done what the Israelites did when they forgot God and started serving other things. The above verse brought back perspective. I've asked God to help me in this walk. I have to have faith that He can transform my mind and my body. I have to rely on Him each step of the way. I have to rest in the fact that He has died for the sins I've committed. I have to start each day fresh with Him. I have to get rid of any thought that I'm doing something right, for this journey is simply not about me. God is the one who started it, and He will be the one who finishes it.

Does that mean I keep going back to my old lifestyle? As Paul would say, "By no means!" But that does mean that I have renewed faith that God can still work in my life after I've started screwing it up again. For human effort isn't enough to change a person from the inside out. God started this work by His Spirit, and He is mighty to save. I have faith that He and only He can do this. So, I boast about my weaknesses because they are where God shows up strong (as I paraphrase the Bible). I have no pride left. It is God alone who deserves honor and glory. And that's the best place to be.

Dear Heavenly Father, Your name is holy. You alone are worthy of honor and praise and glory. Forgive us for being foolish. Thank You for being gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Thank You for sending Your Son to die on the cross for our ugly sin. We realize that we can't attain our goal by human effort. It is only through You that we are able to 'go for it' another day. Please help us. Please give us motivation and willpower. Please let us shine for You alone. Please rid us of our pride and help us always shine Your light. Please make us healthy and thin for Your glory. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Being Content

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

God has been speaking to me a lot about contentment lately, and I didn't even realize it until today. Last week, one of my best friends came over and as we were talking, she said she's trying to learn to be content with what God has for her. It really struck me, particularly because of who this gal is. So, as I was reading my book on raising children this past weekend, the above verse on contentment jumped out at me. I even made note of it as I set my book down so I could send it to her in a letter of encouragement.

Then yesterday was a particularly rough day at our house. I had a migraine and my kids were also having rough days and wanted to SCREAM. I was angry and frustrated and by the end of the night, I felt extremely guilty for my behavior that resulted from my anger. I am not two, and yet I found myself wanting to scream and yell as well. Last night, I saw a friend on facebook posting about a verse from Jonah about how being angry does us no good, and I knew that God was gently talking to me. 

So, this morning wanting life to go a little better, I picked back up my book and read some more. I'm currently reading "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration For Character...In You and Your Kids!" by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. It has been an extremely good book so far and I would highly recommend it. I was still on the chapter of contentment, and as I was reading the pages, I realized that this was an area of struggle for me more than for my kids. I have been the child that hasn't dealt with disappointment well and learned to be content. Here is a passage from the book that stuck out to me; Turansky &Miller (2002) write:

"Children who are demanding and grow up with unchecked selfishness will have a harder time as they grow older. They won't have the character necessary to understand and accept the limits that God may place on them. As you help your children address their arguing, badgering and whining, you will begin to prepare them for a life of contentment. We all need to learn to live within boundaries, whether they are financial limits or health restrictions. Limits are part of life. Contentment means that we say no to things we can't afford or shouldn't eat. If children can't accept no from their parents, how will they ever learn to say no to themselves or accept limits from God? In the school of life, the 'Developing Contentment Curriculum' is not an elective; it's a required course." p. 101-102 [emphasis mine].

As I read this, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my father a couple weeks ago. He said that he can't stand to say no to himself. He's also extremely overweight, but he was talking about living on a tighter budget now that he's retired. He hates limits and doesn't think he should have to follow them. I truly fear for his future, both financially and health-wise. Sometimes these conversations make me panic, and I pray for him and then have to let go and trust God to take care of him. That said, I relate to him, both in the natural sense that he's my Dad and with what he was saying. I, too, hate to be told no. All too often, I buy what I shouldn't or eat whatever I crave. I'm an adult now, so I shouldn't be told no anymore, I reason. But how wrong I've been!

As I was reading this chapter on contentment, I recognized the symptoms of a selfish heart in me. Arguing, whining, badgering... all things done in the name of 'persistence' when in all reality it is pure selfishness. If something doesn't go my way, I have a tendency to try and outwit my opposition rather than recognizing the hurt that it will do to the relationships I have. This started as a child, I realize, but growing up while my parents were in the middle of a divorce, I can say that I typically got my way. Now I've turned into a childish adult. A childish adult with an addiction to food that is really stemming from an inability to tell myself no and accept limits from God. 

Our bodies weren't made to handle an indulgence to all our cravings. When I see someone limit themselves on something they really want, it is truly impressive to me. And I realized today that this is where the battle needs to start again for me. I need to learn to be content with whatever circumstances I'm in. As Paul articulates so well in the above verses, I need to learn to be content whether I'm well fed or hungry, in plenty or in want. And what's his answer to contentment? He believes in God - that he can do all things through Him who gives strength.

I wonder how I can teach my children to be content and not demanding if I have yet to master the skill myself. This morning, I bowed face first on the ground to beg God for His mercy and fill me and my children with contentment. That means being content when He says 'yes' and 'no' ... that means trusting God and believing He has our best in mind. That means ridding ourselves of childish behavior and demanding that we get anything we want and living a life of grace for others and for limits in our lives. I think this will be a tough journey but it's a lesson I wish I had learned a long time ago. Let's pray!

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for being a holy God. Thank You for giving us limits and saying no when we need the answer to be no. For only You really understand the long-term future. Thank You for teaching us those lessons that humble us and make us bow down in repentance. Lord, we need You and Your righteousness. May the blood of Jesus also cover our sins of selfishness and demanding our own way - please forgive us! We ask for Your amazing grace. We also beg for contentment. Please give us the strength of character to be content even when we are hungry or living 'in want.' May we follow what Paul says in these verses. Please continue to develop character inside of us that shines through to the outside of us. Please make us healthy and thin for Your glory. In Jesus name, AMEN!"

Stop Going Back to Captivity

"However, if you say, 'We will not stay in this land,' and so disobey the Lord your God, and if you say, 'No, will will go and live in Egypt, where we will not see war or hear the trumpet or be hungry for bread,' then hear the word of the Lord, O remnant of Judah. This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: 'If you are determined to go to Egypt and you go to settle there, then the sword you fear will overtake you there, and the famine you dread will follow you to Egypt, and there you will die." Jeremiah 42:13-16

When I read this passage, I immediately recognized the irony in it. These people were the survivors who hadn't been taken to captivity in Babylon. God was telling them to stay in Judah and be His remnant there; but instead after they had seen all the destruction that had come in their land, they decided that Egypt was a better place for them. If you know anything at all about the Israelites, then you know that they were slaves in Egypt at one time and God had set them free by bringing plagues against the land and the people who lived there, including the plague on the firstborn. The Egyptians had treated them harshly, and God had saved the Israelites when they cried out, and made them His chosen people. Here in Jeremiah, many generations later, they decided they wanted to go back to this territory to settle because they feared being hungry for bread, among other things.

How many of us fear being hungry when we try to lose weight? I know I do. I hate being hungry. I hate feeling light-headed and desiring the taste of something that I know I can't have. It's easy to be overweight - you simply eat whatever sounds good. But, it's a struggle to maintain weight and even harder to start losing it. That said, we knowingly go right back into captivity when we give into our fears rather than trust God. We don't like being hungry, so we willingly go right back where we started. It sounds awful, but I've done it time and time again.

And what does God promise His beloved people who go back into captivity? For one, the famine they dread will follow them there, and more importantly, they will die there. If we don't obey God's instructions of where He wants us to go and if we put more emphasis on our desire for food than His will for our lives, then the good He has planned for us will instead end in destruction. God wanted the people in this passage to be His remnant in His land and rebuild it. Instead, they gave into their desires for an 'easier' life; and God warned them up front, through Jeremiah, that this was NOT His plan for them and that they would die of the very things they feared when they went to Egypt. Unfortunately, this people didn't listen to God's warnings. They found out the hard way that when God says He's going to do something, He means it. He only speaks truth. And while He's gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, He also is just and righteous.

I keep reading throughout these pages of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations and Ezekiel of how much God warned His beloved people. They were doing detestable things, including worshiping other gods, and yet He sent His messengers to speak to them in love and promised to relent if they would turn from their wicked ways and follow Him wholeheartedly. When they didn't, He followed through on His word that He had sent to His prophets. Today I realized that we're in a similar situation. We can choose to do things the way we've always done them, giving ourselves comfort through food rather than laying down our fear of being hungry and giving it to God. Or, we can say that we realize we'll die in captivity if we don't make a significant change and follow God wholeheartedly in this struggle.

We may not know what that looks like, but we can trust in our compassionate God, who will reward our obedience by saving us! Only through Christ can we be saved from a life of sin. We need forgiveness and we need redemption - we need a 180 turn from our old patterns. Let's not go back to Egypt. Let's press on toward what God has planned for our lives! Who's with me?

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You today and admit that we fear being hungry. So many times we've allowed that fear to take us right back to our place of captivity, where we are slaves to our cravings and food addiction. We pray that today, we can make a stand once and for all to stay in the place that You have created for us - a life where we rely on You alone. Forgive us, oh God, of our sin. Help us turn from our wicked ways through Your salvation. Show us compassion. And I pray that we would see the outcome of this decision - that You would please make us healthy and thin for Your glory. We return to You with our whole hearts. No longer will we serve other things. Be glorified and praised today! In Jesus' name, AMEN!

My Food is To Do God's Will

"'My food,' said Jesus, 'is to do the will of Him who sent me and to finish His work.'" John 4:34

After Jesus spoke with a Samaritan woman, He met up with His disciples who urged Him to 'eat something' and His first response was "I have food to eat that you know nothing about." Then, when they wondered if someone else had brought Him food, the above verse was His response. His food was to do God's will. WOW!

Have you ever had someone urge you to eat when you're fasting or when you're trying to eat less? 'You have to eat,' they say. 'It's not good for you to starve.' 'Your body was made for food,' etc. And while all those may be true, there are times that we're to worry a whole lot less about the food we eat and a whole lot more about the will of the Lord and what work He has for us.

I remember times in the past - particularly one family camping weekend - when I would think about when we'd eat before we even left and wonder if I should pack things to take along so we wouldn't starve. Now I laugh at myself (thankfully I can). STARVE!?!?! Really??? I have enough body fat that it would take awhile for me to look like I'm starving. Being hungry and starving are far different things. I would eat again. I would eat that day. I wouldn't necessarily eat on my schedule that I was used to. And yet, thinking about it would drive me crazy. It would make me not even want to go.

I've noticed lately how one side of my family plans their functions around meals. Now, I understand that we all have children who typically eat on a schedule. But, as we plan our days out, meals are a top priority. Then the other side of my family plans their fun activities and figures that we'll eat when we have time, whatever we can grab, and it doesn't truly matter. Guess which side is heavier. 

The Bible tells us not to worry about food, and we always think of that verse in terms of God providing for us so we don't have to wonder where our meals will come from. I think this verse above speaks more to the fact that we're not to think about food but rather focus on God and finish the work He has called us to do.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Son and the example that Jesus is to us. Thank You that even though He was human and hungry, He knew that serving You and doing Your will was far more important than food. Please help us learn this lesson in whatever way You mean for us to 'digest' it. Help us do Your will and finish Your work here on earth. Thank You for providing for us both physically with food and spiritually with Your Word. Keep us growing on the inside and slimming down on the outside. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

An Easier Way?

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'" Matthew 16:24

I was listening to a sermon this past Sunday and just a small snippet of it focused on the temptation on going an easier way. The entire sermon was on living up to your potential and not taking the 'shadow mission' which looks good but is 10 degrees off our actual purpose in life. If Esther would have taken her 'shadow mission' she would have just been a beauty queen instead of serving her purpose of saving Israel. We have a unique plan from God, but we need to keep on the right track.

The speaker then went on to talk about Jesus' suffering and how sometimes to live up to our mission, we're going to have to take the tough road. One example he used was from Matthew 4:2-4: "After fasting forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, 'If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.' Jesus answered, 'It is written "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."'" First of all, I can't imagine fasting for 40 days and nights. Trying to fast one day has felt like an eternity to me. Jesus had the power to make bread for Himself, and yet He knew that He must withhold for some reason that God had called Him to - maybe to make the exact point that we are to live on the words of God.

His point in these verses was that Satan kept trying to tempt Him to take the easy road. That's why when Peter said that Jesus didn't have to suffer on the cross, Jesus answered him so sharply with "get behind me, Satan!" See Matthew 16:20-24. Jesus knew that the suffering on the cross was God's will so that we could be reconciled to the Father.

As I thought about these words and everything Jesus went through, I realized that there probably must be some suffering in this journey of losing weight. Saying no to particular foods feels like suffering to me! Exercising can feel like suffering. There are days that I want God to just snap His fingers and make me skinny. And I firmly believe He could. But, He has a grander plan for my life. Suffering is probably a part of that so that I learn to live on His Word in the process. As the above verse states, we're going to have to deny ourselves to follow Jesus. Let's start with food & comfort and see where God takes us on this journey to be what He has called us to be. Pray for me, and I will pray for you!

Dear Heavenly Father, I lay myself and my dear friends reading this down before you. The sound of suffering sounds... well, painful, to be honest. I don't like suffering. You know my heart, Lord. And yet, I truly do want to be Your follower. Help me to deny myself and take up my cross to be who You want me to be. Help those reading this as well. God, I can't imagine the torture of fasting 40 days and nights. Please help us live on Your words rather than the comfort of food. Please help us in this journey to be healthy and thin... may we not just seek the world's approval but rather Your good & pleasant will for our lives. We honor You and lay our hearts & bodies & minds before You. Lord, have Your way. Your kingdom come, Your will be done. We love You and honor You today. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

No One Whose Hope Is In You Will Ever Be Put to Shame

"No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse." Psalm 25:3

This morning at church, we sang a familiar song by Cory Asbury called "You Are My Hope." I remember the first time ever worshiping to it, feeling much like today. I cried out to God singing "All my hope's in You, my strength, my song!" Only God can deliver us, and when we put our hope in Him, the Bible tells us in the above verse that we won't be put to shame.

As I write this, as I've been praying to God, as I've confessed my sin and struggle to others... to then live a life where I never am free from obesity... I think that would make me feel ashamed. But, my hope is in God. Likewise, I read within the past day or two Isaiah 45:17, which says "But Israel will be saved by the LORD with an everlasting salvation; you will never be put to shame or disgraced, to ages everlasting."

 After worship came the sermon, where God very much spoke to me again through youth pastor Jason Mitchell (now I know his name and title!) from LCBC. Today was the last sermon from the series "Flip Side," which I have thoroughly enjoyed, even though (and maybe because) the Word has challenged me to re-think my entire way of doing things and re-examine how Jesus wants us to live. If you haven't had the opportunity to hear them, I would encourage you to go to www.lcbcchurch.com to listen to them.

The sermon started with Luke 9:51, where Jesus "resolutely" set out for Jerusalem. This was the start of Jesus' journey to be crucified, and He was resolute in His purpose as he went. [This verse reminded me of Daniel 1 where Daniel "resolved" not to eat the choice food but instead set himself apart for higher purposes.] As Jesus was walking, He talked to three men as we continue with the scripture through Luke 9:63. The subtitle is "The Cost of Following Jesus."

• The first said he would follow Jesus wherever he went and Jesus replied that He didn't have even a place to lay His head. Then Jason went on to describe how Jesus knew that He was going to be rejected, betrayed and not welcomed. Most wouldn't choose this kind of life. This journey isn't about us but rather about God. 
• Then Jesus met another who wanted to bury is father, and what this man was really saying was 'some day I'll follow you,' but Jesus said in essence 'not one day but today.' Jason further explained that the expectation was that the children would bury their parents but Jesus was asking if this man would go against expectations and care more about what God thought than people. There will be lots of people in society that will do the 'expected' things but few who follow God's will.
• The third man said he had to say goodbye to his family. Jason noted that in that culture, that meant that the man was asking his father for permission to go and was already laying the foundations for his excuse of why he couldn't go with Jesus. Jesus, using the example of the plow, showed how important the intense focus and level of intention it took to follow Him. Jason demonstrated that one hand would be steering the ox and one hand would be driving the plow and even a slight deviation could ruin the whole field. Your eyes needed to look solely on the prize or a look back would wreck the work at hand. We can't dwell on the past or look to others instead of God.

Finally, the sermon started concluding with the verses from Luke 13:22 and Matthew 7:13-14 about the importance of working hard to enter the narrow door of God's kingdom. We don't just stumble into a life with Jesus. It takes intention and focus and the realization that sometimes it leads to rejection. Then Jason used the example of where the interstate dumps off in Harrisburg and there is less than six feet to get to the Lancaster exit. You have to put the peddle to the metal, be paying attention and not be scared about the other cars who are moving this way and that if you're going to get your exit. Otherwise, you miss it. Not paying attention will lead to a wider path that isn't the correct one. Other cars will encourage you to go on the wrong path. You have to grit your teeth and 'fight' for it. But, it leads to the way of life.

Then we ended with the fact that saying "YES!" to Jesus leads saying "NO!" to a lot of other things. For the second man to say yes to Jesus, he'd have to say no to fulfilling other people's expectations of him. We were asked to write down things where we felt like Jesus was asking us to say YES to him and NO to other things. Examples were YES to generosity and NO to excess. Maybe it was YES to forgiveness and NO to revenge. There were many others. I felt like if I was going to say YES to Jesus' will for my life, then I needed to say NO to overindulging in food. It's easy to say yes and live up to expectations of this world - every time I resolve to eat less, I'm invited to social gathering of eating out or a special birthday party with cake & ice cream. These are seemingly little things but they've kept me on the wide path (no pun intended) and not on the narrow path where I am supposed to be. 

I chose to symbolically walk through the door of saying yes to Jesus and no to things of this world.. to be intentional in my path of choosing. This is going to be a hard week for it - it's my birthday, and we have lots of plans. Plans with family and friends and just us and I'm sure lots of sweets from my sweetie. Please pray for me in this journey. Let's walk the narrow path together. For, no one whose hope is in the Lord will ever be put to shame!!!

Dear God, thank You for Your Word. Thank You for giving it meaning in our lives. Thank You for beckoning us onto a narrow path - thank You for calling us by name and choosing us. Lord, we don't deserve it. It's by Your grace that we're here. Please help us journey with You and choose the narrow path. We say YES to what You have for us and NO to things of this world and the expectation that we would eat at every opportunity everything that is put before us. Help us choose to say NO when the Spirit leads us. And may we not focus on ourselves or look back at our past but rather keep our intention pure and on You and Your kingdom. May we glorify You. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Do Not Set Your Heart on What You Will Eat or Drink

^"And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it." Luke 12:29

This past weekend at church, we heard a good sermon on what's controlling us. The first story we looked at was in Luke 18 where Jesus told the wealthy man to sell everything he had and give it to the poor then to come follow Him. The man left sad because he rich. The speaker made this point: it wasn't necessarily about money for all of us - some of us become controlled by money, but some of us are controlled by other things.

He then asked the question, what do we have our hands on so tightly that we would be sad and 'miss Jesus' calling' if He asked us to give it up? While possessions may not matter, maybe it's control over a person or situation. He said maybe it's a title or position. Maybe it's work we do. He gave the example of a mom who came to him and told him all about her son who wasn't living the way she wanted him to. He said this mom was so upset, she was all but screaming until the end and her blood pressure was sky high. At the end of the day, while the mother wanted to control the son's behavior, his behavior was controlling her. She was the one losing sleep and upset while he was doing what he wanted. He asked again, what haven't we given over to God? What do we think we need to control?

The sermon series is called 'flip side' and the point is that when we give God the control, He in turn gives us freedom. The next set of verses from Luke 12 began my wheels turning.

Do Not Worry

 ²²Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[l]? ²⁶Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 ²⁷"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! ²⁹And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

 ³²"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ³³Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Where was my treasure? Recently we were asked to do a 5-day fast where we ate nothing but rice &  beans to get a feel for how the truly poor lived. Wanting to lose some weight in the process, I tried to have nothing but one meal of rice & beans so I could truly experience the 'poor life.' The speaker (I'm not sure if he's the pastor, but I know he's at least the youth leader if not the youth pastor of the church) said that when we fast, we often have SEVERE cravings that come up in our lives. Often, when we're giving up food, we start desiring specific foods in a way we never thought possible. The lack of what we want makes us grumpy and it starts controlling our thoughts. We as Christians then realize that if food can have this powerful effect on us, there are other things that can control us that we don't even realize as well.

I was listening intently as originally I thought maybe it was food controlling my life. He wasn't kidding about those cravings. I wanted pineapple (of all things) in the worst kind of way! But the more the sermon went on, the more I realized that once again what I had allowed to control my thoughts was the desire to be thin and healthy. I don't remember if it was that morning or the morning before as I was going jogging, I thought to myself "if I could double my workouts, maybe I could lose some weight before my birthday." So, I began thinking about getting up early to work out and then doing it again while my children napped. Then I began obsessing about what I could eat during those next couple weeks (this birthday one is a 'big' one for me...ugh!).

As we read the verses about 'do not worry,' I began to hear God once again reigning me in. I hadn't done anything to accomplish my previous weight loss. And when I start trying to control it, it seems like my eating becomes anything but healthy and I put on more pounds rather than shed them. You see, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. I had been allowing my desire to become healthy to start being my treasure and therefore affecting my heart and actions. I was more concerned with it than with Jesus and what He is calling me to do. I was ashamed to go back to the same evil of obsessing over food - only this time, it was wearing a disguise. 

Life is more than food, the body more than clothes. We're not to worry about what we're going to eat. That means we don't have to 'diet' per se. We are to eat what God tells us to and not go crazy. We're not to be gluttonous and yet we're not to starve ourselves. God knows what we need. He designed our bodies and He knows how they operate best. His Holy Spirit is ready, willing and able to prompt us on good choices, and by all means we should follow Him. But, we don't need to take the reigns and dig our claws in so tight that we're no longer giving God the glory or allowing Him to work in us and through us. This pursuit had started controlling me, my thoughts and my time (without any success, I might add).

The sermon ended with this powerful note: if God took whatever it is that you've dug your claws into so fiercely, could you still love Him and be happy with life? (Okay, so that's not word-for-word, but it's basically how I understood the question.) Could I stay overweight if God so desired and still be head over heels in love with Him, honor and serve Him, and give Him my life? I cringed at the thought. I knew the answer had to be yes. Still I was struggling. So, I admitted to God that I was struggling. I told Him my desire, but I also told Him that I loved Him and it wasn't about my body, which is here today and gone... well, hopefully not tomorrow, but soon enough! I told Him I would serve Him until the end, and I was taking my claws out of this pursuit. It wasn't about me, anyway.

The next night, I saw a glimpse of a VERY attractive young blond gal who had just lost the battle to cancer. It was the only reminder I needed. I would give anything to see my kids grow up and hopefully their kids someday. I'm happy with the body God has given me. While I want to treat it respectfully, I'll be honored to serve God in whatever vessel He's given me.

I continue to work out. It makes me feel good, and I know it's good for me. I'm still trying to get up early to do it, because I think that's what God is calling me to. I also ate healthier this week than I have in a long time. But, I'm not obsessing over it. I'm taking one day at a time and not living for my own glory, but the Lord's.

This was a good reminder for me, and I hope it also helps you as we glorify God together with our bodies. Let's not set our heart on what we'll eat or drink (and I could even go on and on about what cravings can do to us! But that's for another post someday!). Let's seek Jesus first and His kingdom. I believe God will add everything else in His time, whether in this life or the next. Much love, my sisters (& brothers, if any read this blog).

Dear Heavenly Father, once again I must confess how sorry I am for trying to control something I have no business controlling. I'm sorry for where I've dug my claws in and stopped enjoying the weight loss but being controlled by it. Forgive me, I humbly ask! Help me start again, where my focus is on You and my desire is for You alone. May I treat this body as a vessel for Your Holy Spirit and Your glory. May I do Your will and bring You glory. We love You, sweet Jesus. Thank You for always reminding us and standing with us. In Your Name we pray, AMEN!

Given to Gluttony = Death

"...and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony." Proverbs 23:2

This verse made me think "OUCH!" The verses around it say not to crave the delicacies of a ruler for that food is deceptive. Then the Bible goes on to talk about restraint. I've not practiced restraint when I've wanted something to eat. The verse above  makes me realize how serious God is about this sin that we take so casually. I've given myself over to the deception of food before... I think, 'oh, just this one time of having a little too much or living it up in the chocolate I'm craving can't hurt; after all, I'll just work harder tomorrow.' But, tomorrow, saying no to temptation is just that much harder, especially once I've put on a few pounds.

I'm not suggesting we kill ourselves, but I am noting how serious the sin of gluttony really is. I know I tend to think of sins in terms of consequences. Surely I'm not as bad as someone who has committed murder, right? Just because I'm overeating, I'm just hurting myself. But, I have to remember that I matter to God. My body matters to God. He created it and I've been destroying it. I'm essentially killing myself slowly. And, in the process, I've been giving into temptation and sin that I KNOW is wrong. Yet, I'm always giving excuses for why it's okay 'just this once.' I know it's important to take a stand, and yet I've been luke warm.

This has been the hardest struggle of my life. And, while I thought it would get easier, it's still something I have to give to the Lord every day. He is the Savior. It's only through His Word and His grace that I'm even able to type this. I am a sinner. Plain. Simple. But, I'm also loved by God and saved through the blood of Jesus. I struggle with overindulgence. But, I know that I can overcome through Christ if I trust in Him. Salvation won't come on my own - I don't have the willpower. But, I can take one step at a time with God who guides me through His Word.

Please pray for me in this journey, and I will pray for you as well. We need God's help to keep us from temptation and deliver us from evil!

Dear God, please forgive us where we've given ourselves over to gluttony. Lord, I can see in the Bible that You find this behavior repulsive. Yet, I've read of Your unfailing, faithful love to Your people - even when they worshiped idols, so long as they repented and turned back to You, You rescued them. God, we're asking for the same mercy and grace. Once again, we ask for the blood of Jesus to cover our sin. Lord, instead of us slitting our own throats, we are coming before Your thrown and asking for help to turn from our wicked ways. Help us to be mindful of what we're doing to our bodies when we are eating. Help us eat enough but not get lazy and eat as much as we're used to consuming. Help us live for Your glory. Forgive us, oh God, and save us from temptation. Deliver us from evil as only You can. We need Your mercy and grace. We love You and long to glorify You with our bodies. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Wanna Stop Messing Up?

"Great peace have they who love Your law, and nothing can make them stumble." Psalm 119:165

My husband & I were just talking about how we took a step off the right road these past few months and headed back the same old path of not eating well and not keeping a strong workout regime going. I think the hardest step is the one to commit to doing better and going for it once again.

So how do we stop from 'stumbling' as we're trying to walk this walk? Loving God's law. Not just casually reading it, not just listening to stories from the pulpit, but adoring it. Reading it, saying it, praying it, remembering it, hiding it in our hearts, bringing it forth in our speech, LOVING it. When I think about how much I love my kids and husband, I think about the time I spend with them and on them. While I love God's Word, I'm not sure I've given the study thereof as much of my passion as I should be. I want to be the kind of believer whose "like it, love it, gotta have it" is about the Bible and not Coldstone ice cream.

Dear Lord, thank You for Your Word. Thank You for the peace You provide through it. Please keep us devoted to knowing You through the Bible, and keep us from stumbling. May our lives be a pure reflection of You. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Let Me Not Eat of Their Delicacies

"Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds with men who are evildoers; let me not eat of their delicacies." Psalm 141:4

Do you ever feel drawn to food? Like it's calling your name? I struggle with cravings... but it's not vegetables or healthy things I typically crave. What I desire would be richer foods that could be likened to the word 'delicacies' in this passage. I'm learning this battle of the bulge starts with our heart and mind and then turns into either sin or the Lord's refinement in our lives if we say 'yes' to His Spirit and 'no' to the things of this world like casual eating.

One thing I learned in one of my Bible studies was to pray God's Word. There is power in it! Let's pray this verse together - may God help us in this struggle for His ultimate glory.

Father God, we lay our lives before You once again. Thank You for Your Word. Please don't let our hearts be drawn to what is evil, in every dimension of what that word means for us in our lives. Particularly, please keep us from overeating, casual eating... even eating that is done socially with others who don't have the same values as we do for our lives or don't struggle with the same temptations. Stop us from eating their delicacies. Teach us to do what is right. But even more than that God, how I beg for You to step in and guard our mouths, hearts and bodies! There are times I desperately wish You would take my free will from me since I keep making unwise choices. But, I know You are refining me each day in helping me choose better. Lord, forgive us where we have sinned and keep us from it in the future. We ask that You make us healthy and thin for Your glory. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

They Ate Until They Had More Than Enough

"They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved." Psalm 78:18

While I haven't written anything in a little bit, I've still been reading my Bible every morning. This has been a difficult journey for me to lose weight. I realize now more than ever that this has to be a complete life change - not a diet but a day-to-day dialogue with God. And I know that there are people suffering in the world from things that aren't caused by their own sin, and I don't want to say that my struggles even come close to those. I'm just being honest about where I'm at. I lose a couple then gain a couple then lose, etc. I don't want to go back to my old lifestyle, so I'm holding onto Jesus like never before. These are the times that He carries me. I have willingly given in on occasions and must continue to seek forgiveness for not doing what I know is right.

You may get tired of reading this (if you even are still reading) and think that I should have this down pat like a science. The truth is that with addiction, one step back can be so damaging. So, I again say that my only hope is in God alone. This weekend we worshiped to a song that said "ALL MY HOPE'S IN YOU, MY STRENGTH, MY SONG..." It is ever true in my life.

Weeks ago, I woke up asking for God to continue to reveal Himself to me, particularly in this area of struggling with obesity. As part of my ongoing reading of the Old Testament, Psalm 78 was one of the chapters that I was about to read... and wow did it hit home!

As you read the above verse, I hope you remember that in Deuteronomy 6 it says you shouldn't put God to the test. I felt utterly repulsive as I thought about my own cravings and 'demands' for food. I'll be honest and say there have been times where I have demanded from my husband that we go out to eat, etc. How much this dishonors God blew me away. Maybe it would be helpful to read more of Psalm 78. Here are verses 1-38. Pay particular attention to verses 17-30.

Psalm 78


1 O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. 2 I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, things from of old- 3 what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us.
4 We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.


5 He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, 6 so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. 7 Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.


8 They would not be like their forefathers— a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him. 9 The men of Ephraim, though armed with bows, turned back on the day of battle; 10 they did not keep God's covenant and refused to live by his law. 11 They forgot what he had done, the wonders he had shown them.

12 He did miracles in the sight of their fathers in the land of Egypt, in the region of Zoan. 13 He divided the sea and led them through; he made the water stand firm like a wall. 14 He guided them with the cloud by day and with light from the fire all night. 15 He split the rocks in the desert and gave them water as abundant as the seas; 16 he brought streams out of a rocky crag and made water flow down like rivers.


17 But they continued to sin against him, rebelling in the desert against the Most High. 18 They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved. 19 They spoke against God, saying, "Can God spread a table in the desert? 20 When he struck the rock, water gushed out, and streams flowed abundantly. But can he also give us food? Can he supply meat for his people?"


21 When the LORD heard them, he was very angry; his fire broke out against Jacob, and his wrath rose against Israel, 22 for they did not believe in God or trust in his deliverance.


23 Yet he gave a command to the skies above and opened the doors of the heavens; 24 he rained down manna for the people to eat, he gave them the grain of heaven. 25 Men ate the bread of angels; he sent them all the food they could eat. 26 He let loose the east wind from the heavens and led forth the south wind by his power. 27 He rained meat down on them like dust, flying birds like sand on the seashore. 28 He made them come down inside their camp, all around their tents.


29 They ate till they had more than enough, for he had given them what they craved. 30 But before they turned from the food they craved, even while it was still in their mouths, 31 God's anger rose against them; he put to death the sturdiest among them, cutting down the young men of Israel.


32 In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe. 33 So he ended their days in futility and their years in terror.


34 Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. 35 They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. 36 But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; 37 their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant.


38 Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath.


You see, I already wrote about the actual event when it 'first' happened in my reading from the Old Testament. But, God once again wanted to show me that morning how important it is that we evaluate our cravings and desires. Can God satisfy our needs without food being involved?

I've noticed at parties that people who struggle with food are often the first ones to the 'buffet' line (for lack of a better expression) while people who don't have weight problems tend to get there last and don't seem to care if everything is gone or not. It seems obvious but not when you're the one hungry and being invited to go fill your plate. Could you not get anything and still be satisfied with what God has given you? Can you be satisfied with His Living Water?

Recently our church asked us to go 12 hours without clean water of any kind (and no other beverages) - no drinks, no toilet flushing, no hand washing, no shower, etc. to relate to poor people all over the world who don't have access to water. It was awful! How much I take for granted something like water (when truly, I love diet soda and iced tea, etc). Water is a precious gift from God. Do we use it like it's meant to be used? Or are we craving 'deadly' things?

Lastly, my heart breaks again at verse 29 "They ate until they had more than enough, for He had given them what they had craved." But, God's anger broke out against them and killed them while they were still chewing. It makes me sad to think about ... God will give us what we crave. We can choose to eat more than enough, or we can choose to crave Him and His righteousness. Our obesity can kill us, even as we're still chewing! Or, we can choose to crave a pure heart and things of God, and He will grant our request. God is a loving and merciful God. He longs for us to make the right choice. Can we do that today?

Dear God, please help us make the right choice. Help us crave things of You and not stuff of this earth. God, we know meat isn't wrong, but we also know that putting You to the test is. Please shape our hearts and minds through Your Word and Holy Spirit and thus shape our bodies. Forgive us for when we have craved unholy things - help us start fresh today. Please make us healthy and thin for Your glory (not ours). In Jesus' name, AMEN!

The Lord Will Fulfill His Purpose For Us

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

This morning as I was devouring my Bible, hungry for more of God, this particular verse stood out to me. I've had my ups and downs on this journey. Lately, I've felt like there have been more downs (and not in my overall weight!). I struggle to try and eat healthy, I wrestle with wanting this journey to be about God's glory and not about me, I battle with finding time to exercise and getting out of bed in the morning to do so since that's a time that can't be stolen for other purposes.... but this verse gave me peace. God reminded me that the LORD will fulfill HIS purposes for me. And He loves me. Amidst my sin and willing walk back into captivity, He hasn't abandoned me. I am the work of His hands. His loving hands.

May this verse remind you today that God has a purpose for you. And He loves you. He won't abandon you, but He will fulfill that purpose if you let Him. He is a good God and worthy to be praised!

Dear God, thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your purpose for us. Please don't abandon us! Fulfill your purpose for our lives. Help us become healthy and thin for Your glory, to fulfill whatever work You would have us do on this earth for as long as we can until we praise You in heaven. We love You, Lord Jesus. In Your Name we pray, AMEN!

For God Does Speak

"...so that his very being finds food repulsive and his soul loathes the choicest meal." Job 33:20

Think the Bible doesn't have anything to say on eating, weight loss, your journey with food? Think again! I read this passage the other week and it jumped out at me for a couple reasons. First, I had had a terrible dream the night before. It seemed so real that when I woke up sweating and crying, I didn't even know where I was at first. I won't go into my entire dream, but here are parts of it: I dreamed I had pulled on my dad's arm as he was coming down a 'ladder' (of sorts). I was impatient and felt like he was moving too slow and holding me and my sisters up, so I grabbed his hand and gave it a tug, thinking it would help him find his footing and continue to come down.... only in my dream, he fell the whole way down (from me throwing him off balance) and he landed face first into cement. I remember seeing his face, his nose bleeding and cut open, his eyes immediately black and blue from his broken nose, and he was crying. (Now, for those of you who don't know my Dad, he is a big 'manly' guy who I've only seen cry once in my life when he told me that he & my mom were splitting up.) He was still on the ground on his knees, his nose gushing blood, and he kept apologizing for falling and then finally in his weakness said, "... who's pulling on me?" in a really sad and forlorn voice. I remember in my dream, I threw myself on the ground (much like my children do when they're having a fit). I beat my hands into the cement and kicked my feet and crying in loud anguish I proclaimed "Dad, it was me! I'm sorry! I'm a disease to everyone around me! I've had the worst day!" And I woke up. I felt terrible. I went to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face, and I saw that it was 2:30 am. I couldn't get back to sleep. I almost called my Dad then, but my husband who had heard me get up had woken up and told me that I should go back to sleep and not wake anyone else.

The next morning, as I was still troubled from my dream, I read the following passage in the Bible:

"14 For God does speak - now one way,

now another - 

though man may not perceive it.

15 In a dream, in a vision of the night,

when deep sleep falls on men

as they slumber in their beds,

16 he may speak in their ears

and terrify them with warnings,

17 to turn man from wrongdoing

and keep him from pride,

18 to preserve his soul from the pit (or grave),

his life from perishing by the sword (or from crossing the River).

19 Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain

with constant distress in his bones,

20 so that his very being finds food

repulsive

and his soul loathes the choicest meal.

Job 33:14-20

I did call my Dad later that day to make sure he hadn't fallen, and I told him about my dream and about this passage in the Bible. I also told my mom, and she said to ask God what He was trying to say. One thing I see for sure is that God speaks in dreams "to turn man from wrongdoing and keep him from his pride" (verse 17). I surely do need help in keeping from intentionally sinning and from pride - this evil thing that creeps up inside even when we don't realize it.

But, I also saw at the bottom of this passage the warning that if we're not careful to overcome this addiction to food - slavery to sin and overindulgence - we may end up in a bed of pain, where we eventually are so sick that we find food & choice meals repulsive and loathsome. I don't want sickness to be the way to my recovery, if at all possible. In fact, I used to pray "make me thin" and then added to that "please make me healthy and thin."

I admit that I'm still struggling with this same sin. I'm still giving into the temptation to eat at times that I shouldn't and eat things that I shouldn't. I'm still struggling to wake up early and exercise. But, I fear God. I know that He is full of mercy, compassion and grace. And yet He controls the universe and does things that we may not understand for our best interest. Earlier in the Bible it says "And he (God) said to man, 'the fear of the Lord - that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'" Job 28:28.

I don't have all the answers for weight loss. I know that it is a difficult journey that is only made possible through God Himself. To begin, I think it's important to have a healthy fear of the Lord. And next it's important to begin shunning evil. If we could walk in the steps God has provided for us, I believe we would have healthy bodies, operating the way God intended for them when He created them. That is what I desire! And, I'd really like for that to happen without a bed of pain and distress in my bones. Let's do this God's way!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for speaking to us, even when we don't perceive it as the above verse states. Lord, tell us what You desire for us. We are listening to You. Thank You for Your grace for us. We don't feel like we deserve Your love, but we are so grateful for it. God, we ask that You would make us healthy and thin. Help us learn how to properly eat so that we don't have to be in pain to loathe food or choice meals. Speak to us God, and help us shun evil and fear You alone. We love You and long to do what's right so we can spend eternity with You. Thank You for saving us through Jesus since we would not be able to come to You any other way. We love You and long to honor and serve You. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Appeal to God

"But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before Him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 5:8-9

There are many days that I feel like losing weight is next to impossible. But, to a God who created the entire Universe (including me!), weight loss isn't beyond Him. He's performed miracles that can't even be fathomed, so helping us drop some pounds should be a snap to Him. Thus, we need to lay our cause before Him. Let's appeal to God and watch Him change our bodies and our lives for His glory! He can do this!

Dear God, we appeal to You; our cause is to be healthy and thin for Your ultimate glory. We believe in the miracles that You have performed - You opened and closed the red sea, sent manna from heaven to feed Your people, You led the Israelites with a cloud by day and a fire by night; You sent Your son to die on the cross and rise again in three days; You have healed the sick, made the blind see and the lame walk. Lord, we know that You can drop the pounds from our bodies. We know that You can transform our shape and figure. We know that You can motivate us, help us eat healthier and enjoy it, and that You can fix the damage we've done to our bodies. Lord, we need You. We can't overcome the battle of the bulge without You. Please help us! Perform a miracle in us today, we ask with a please. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Rely on the Lord

"The men of Israel were subdued on that occasion, and the men of Judah were victorious because they relied on the Lord, the God of their fathers." 2 Chronicles 13:18

This morning as I was reading my Bible, I asked God for insight into this weight loss journey. And He is faithful! I was told by my surgeon earlier this week that I should 'take it easy' and not exercise, saying the pain I'm continuing to experience since my surgery (which was over six weeks ago!) is probably because I'm overdoing it. I almost cried on the phone. It's driving me crazy! If I can't exercise, how am I going to continue to lose weight? And yet, the other evening when I decided to go for a jog in this above-freezing weather, I didn't even make it half way to the park before grabbing hold of a tree to keep me upright since I felt like someone was stabbing me in my side.

Frustrated, I cried out to God this morning. And this verse spoke to me. Why were the men of Judah victorious over the men of Israel? After all, wasn't Israel the name of God's chosen nation? This verse tells us that Judah had success because they relied on the Lord, the God of their fathers. (This was, of course, when Judah had split away from Israel for this period of history.) The leader of Israel at this time was worshiping idols and causing others to sin against the Lord. The men of Judah, however, "had not forsaken" the Lord; in fact, they said "God is with us; He is our leader" (v 12). Judah was being attacked at both the front and rear (v 14) - nonetheless, when they cried out to the Lord, 'God delivered them into their hands' (vs 16).

I realized that I'm feeling a bit defeated - attacked on both sides (not being able to work out and being tempted by food). But, when I feel like I'm at the end of myself, what does the Bible tell me I need to do? I need to cry out to God. For when I rely on Jesus alone, He wins the victory. I can't take credit. It has to be an obvious show of God's amazing glory, might and power. I believe that God can still be victorious when I feel defeated. And may He receive all the honor due His name through it.

Dear Heavenly Father, we confess just like in 2 Chronicles 14:11 "Lord, there is no one like You to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on You, and in Your name we have come against this vast army. O Lord, You are our God; do not let man prevail against You." Father, we pray for the crushing defeat that the men of Judah saw before their eyes. We pray that you not only make us lose weight, You make us positively thin and healthy for Your glory. Lord God, we know that we can't win this battle of the bulge on our own. We see the attack of the enemy before us and behind us. But, God, You are bigger, stronger, more powerful and more wonderful than any enemy and any temptation. Father God, for Your own name and for Your children, we ask for Your help. Make our temples holy and pure for Your dwelling. May we be more like You. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Do It All For the Glory of God

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

As I was driving to school/work today, I was listening to an old Jeremy Riddle CD of my husband's. As I was singing along, I thought about God being love and just all at the same time (in his "Sweetly Broken" song). I thought about how much I don't deserve God's grace, and yet His love is unfailing. I'm so thankful for the cross today. I've been feeling a little emotional lately, probably because of being inside and not getting enough Vitamin D. But, today in particular I was feeling just an overwhelming awe at Christ's work on the cross. He won the victory for us. We are saved through His grace.

It amazes me that God can take an overweight, out-of-shape body like mine and transform it. I don't deserve it. I've done damage to this 'vehicle' God has given me. But, we know that eating less and exercising will get us back to where we belong. It reminds me of little girls who cut their doll's hair and cry when it won't grow back. But, when we (God's children) get a bad haircut, we have hope for new growth. Again, I feel so undeserving of this miracle... my own sin is what got me here. But, Christ died for me (and you!) to restore my relationship with God and my sin is washed away.

If you're feeling like getting healthier is an uphill battle, remember that Christ already walked the uphill battle for you. His grace saves you. His blood covers you. His mercy will renew and strengthen you. His love will amaze you. So, as you worship this awesome God today, as you eat or drink and in whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Dear Heavenly Father, I bow before You in worship. On my face, I praise You for who You are. I am so thankful, God. Thank You for new opportunities. Thank You for never giving up on us. Thank You for new life, new hope, new dreams, new purpose. Thank You that You can restore us. Thank You for the cross. Thank You for Your blood. Thank You for taking away our sin. May we glorify You in ALL we do today, including our eating and drinking. We love You! In Jesus' name, AMEN!